Tuesday, 19 December 2006
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Tuesday, December 19, 9:21 PM, freezing rain
Feeling:
Tired
Anxious
Spent
Worried
Pleased
Understanding
PensiveInterpretation:
Today was Beth's birthday party. She turns 15 tomorrow. I can't believe how big she's getting. Not size-wise, but age-wise. I guess I always imagined that she would be young because she is Down syndrome. She's precious, but she's also getting really smart. She surprises me every day. I'm learning not to get preconcieved notions about her-- she breaks them all.I went down from 90mg of Cymbalta to 60mg yesterday. I feel a little of it now. I've had these moments of being really hyper, and then I crash. I just run out of juice. And then I rebound and feel a little better. I think I'm partially running on adreneline right now. At least, that's how my muscles feel. I really want to sleep well tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to conk out without any struggle.
Today was a little weird with Ieldar. He totally is attracted to me, and something inside me is slightly attracted to him, BUT we both know that nothing can happen. Both of our hearts belong to someone else: his to his ex-wife, and mine to my unknown Knight. I sencerely hope that he continues to be a gentleman. Heh, I'm sure he will be. Just silly concerns.
What do I want to do? Why does that question keep coming up? It's not fair. I don't know! My Prince has not told me. I don't want to hear the question anymore!!!! *tears* When will My Prince tell me? When will it be revealed to me? I want to know.
And what will happen with Pia? Will she return home? Or will she stay the course she's on? What if she comes back and I'm a horrible friend? What if us here can't convince her to move her life in a different direction? Hn.
Oh gosh. I want to write. I want my brother to quit leading girls on. I want my life to be fulfilling what God has for me. I want to be organized! I want to be better! I want to be more!
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